The Kids Are in School, Now What?

June 25, 2023 / azlotnik / 1 Comment

I’m a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t plan on being one. I planned to return to work or find a new job where I felt more valued and had flexibility for a parent. Then my son was born prematurely, and I felt the need to stay home to keep him safe. I couldn’t imagine leaving him with anyone the entire day. It’s been five years, and I savor our time together. He will never be little again, and I feel blessed to be able to stay home.

As with most anything, there are positives and negatives to any situation. Staying home means spending all day in my pajamas with my kid sometimes. It means not always having a schedule (though I put my child on a daily schedule with naps and mealtime). It means we can go to the park whenever we want and hang out with friends often. On the other hand, I often felt isolated. Some days, we didn’t have anyone to see or any playdates. Those days often were boring and mundane. I would go to Target with my baby just to leave the house. I craved adult interaction, which I found in my moms’ group, but I would still watch the clock waiting for my husband to get home from work. Mothers sometimes lose their purpose after having kids, especially stay-at-home moms. I know I’m still looking for mine.

When my son turned 2 (in 2020), I jumped at the chance of putting him in preschool a few days a week. I couldn’t sit at home with him all day every day and wait until my husband got home from work. The pandemic was very hard on everyone. I feel lucky that I was isolated for only two months. Living in Georgia, our state opened up earlier than most. I went to the park with my moms’ group and interacted with friends. We were nervous and worried about getting COVID but were going crazy staying in our homes all the time without anyone other than our young children. Zoom playgroups do NOT work. I know from experience!

Those parents who stayed home every day with their kids and saw no one in person, I don’t know how you did it. Those who did virtual school AND worked a the same time, I applaud you. They were trying times, and I think we all did what we did to survive. I’m so thankful we are in our new normal.

It was a hard decision to put my son in preschool during COVID. Being a stay-at-home mom is a blessing but also can be very isolating. My child is a handful sometimes, and I needed a little break to get errands and housework done without interruption and see a friend or two. He loves school, and I don’t regret a thing.

Babies don’t keep. My son recently turned FIVE, eek! He graduated Pre-K in May. Adjusting from attending school three days a week to five was hard on me. He is my only child, and I do not work outside the home (yet). You wouldn’t think four hours a day of free time is a bad thing. (Well, less than that because I spent a LOT of time driving back and forth from his preschool, which is far from our house.) I have been struggling to find things to fill up my time.

I’m lonely. I try to stay busy and see friends, run errands, do laundry, read books, write and journal, etc. I do all these things, yet I STILL feel lonely. I crave social interaction, and isolation is not healthy for me.

Going into the last school year, I knew I needed to volunteer or find a job. Things didn’t work out where I felt I could work. I struggle with my mental health sometimes, and putting myself back out there is hard. Here we are as another school year approaches, and I’m still unsatisfied. I’m still lonely. I still don’t have a sense of purpose other than “just a mom.”

My husband and I decided that I would look for a job in the fall once our son enters kindergarten and we get used to the new routine. I get to enjoy one more summer with our son before I go back to work, likely part-time.
With mental health struggles, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Health is so important, and I’m scared to re-enter the workplace. I’m nervous about handling a new job when feeling down or depressed. I’m scared of what the added stress will do to my health. But deep down, I know I can do it. I worked for over ten years before leaving the workplace to focus on my family. Now is the time.

A few years ago, I wrote a piece, “More Than Just Mom.” This quote from that article still resonates with me today.

“From this point going forward, I’m going to set a goal for myself. I’m going to start focusing on myself. This doesn’t mean I won’t give my all as a mother, because I will. It means I need to start practicing self-care and recreating my sense of identity. I’m not sure how I am going to accomplish this yet. Maybe it involves reconnecting with my hobbies. Maybe, it involves writing more often in publications like this one. It may look like taking a class or getting a part-time job. It could be as simple as reconnecting with friends I have lost touch with. This journey is mine and mine alone. I know that whatever I decide will be the right choice for me.”

Now, I’ll take my advice.

Maybe, I’ll return to school for a continuing education course involving writing or social media marketing. I don’t want to go back to being a secretary, but most of my full-time work experience is in administration. I have a degree in journalism, but it’s challenging to get a writing job that is not freelance. Though, I did my fair share of freelance work.

Working part-time, will I have time to work, finish housework, and have the best of both worlds? Hopefully, I’ll be home when my son gets off the bus from school. We shall see.

I look forward to where I’ll be a year from now, to see how far I’ve come and what I will accomplish. Here’s to the future and what it may bring!

There are Little Eyes Upon You

October 30, 2022 / azlotnik / Leave a comment

As a teen, I dabbled in poetry. I kept a poetry book that included some poems of importance to me that I found from various sources. I wrote a few of the lyrics myself. I recently discovered the book in a box of old mementos from my youth. I was proud of my meticulously kept compilation of poems. I had a table of contents and made sure to write in my best handwriting. I chose a notebook with a space theme and aliens on the cover. Haha. My nearly 40 compiled poems spanned from 1998 to 2003, from 8th grade until my senior year of high school.

I enjoy looking back on my poems from my youth and remembering what it was like to be a teenager. I open the book and can see myself sitting on my childhood bedroom floor, leaning against my bed, writing and copying down these poems that meant so much to me at the time. I’d share one of the ones I wrote, but let’s just say the poetry was not my best work.

They say children are like sponges. Kids absorb things from their environment. They watch what their parents and caregivers do, what you say to others, how you act, their tone- everything. After becoming a mother, that stuck with me. I want to lead by a good example and teach my child how to be a good person.

I first heard the following poem during counselor training at a summer camp I worked at one summer as a teen. “There are Little Eyes Upon You,” did not resonate with me then. I remember feeling indifferent about the poem, thinking I did not need the training. It was a waste of my time. Yet, I later decided it was essential and included it in my poetry book.

There are Little Eyes Upon You

There are little eyes upon you,
and they watch you every day.
There are little ears that quickly
take in everything you say.

There are little hands all eager,
to do everything you do,
And a little child who’s dreaming
of the day he’ll be like you.

You’re the little fellow’s idol,
you’re the wisest of the wise,
In his little mind about you
no suspicions ever rise.

He believes in you devoutly,
and holds true all you say and do.
He will say and do it your way
when he’s grown up just like you.

There’s a wide-eyed little fellow,
who believes you’re always right.
His ears are always open,
he watches day and night.

You are setting an example,
each day in all you do,
For the little child who’s waiting,
to grow up just like you.

Author Unknown

Parents often see the world differently than children. Adults often focus on the bad, while children see the good in everyday occurrences. For example, you may think you had a terrible day. Maybe you lost your temper and yelled at your child. Perhaps you were late getting them to school, and they missed their morning activity. You burned dinner. You rushed out early for your work meeting and didn’t get to say goodbye to your child before you left the house. Whatever the reason – it’s probably not as bad as you think. There is time to change what you think is a bad day into a good one. As they say on the popular show This is Us, “There’s no lemon so sour that you can’t make something resembling lemonade.”

Your child likely does not see the day as a bad one. They remember the good things about their day, like a spontaneous trip to get ice cream or cuddles during a bedtime story. So, the next time you think you had a bad day, remember that your child probably saw it in a different light. Our job as parents is to help guide our kids along the way, but we could learn a thing or two from our kids. I once read, “If we saw the world the way children do, the world would be a better place.” I wholeheartedly agree.

I’m not a parenting expert by far. I strive to achieve and remember the advice that I gave in this post. Sometimes, I yell at my child. I try not to, but I lose my patience quickly when my son misbehaves. I’m sure this happens to many other parents from time to time. Fellow parents, we are all definitely “growing up while raising humans.”

I hope this poem and my post resonated with you. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll write another poem.

Keep reading!

MOMS Club-A Lifesaver for SAHMs

March 6, 2020March 6, 2020 / azlotnik / Leave a comment

I often write about motherhood, because that is the season of my life right now. As a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), my days are mostly consumed with taking care of my son and keeping him occupied. About four months into my motherhood journey, I found a wonderful organization called MOMS Club. As a new mother, I was feeling extra lonely and needed a group of mom friends with kids my son’s age.

One evening, I was looking at posts from a local mom’s group on Facebook, and I saw that someone had mentioned a group called MOMS Club. I immediately went to their website, but I didn’t live in that specific zip code. I then looked up the international organization and saw that there was, in fact, a MOMS Club in my city.

I was overjoyed. “This is for me,” I thought. As I looked at the website, I found myself crying. I could tell that I needed something to help fill the void inside of me. And, maybe MOMS Club would be it. Right then, I filled out the “contact us” form through their website. To my surprise, a mom got back with me that very evening. She sounded so welcoming and helpful, giving me more information about the club and encouraged me to come to one of their events if I was still interested.

My first event was a play date at one of the mom’s houses. There was a big turnout, and I got to know several other moms and their children. Everyone was so welcoming and friendly. I signed up to join the club shortly after the event, and it was one of the best things I could do for myself and my son as a mother.

My once mostly blank calendar was now filled with fun events for moms and their children. I got to know the other moms and their kids and made some strong friendships through the club. I joined a playgroup, which met weekly at members’ homes or local parks. While at playgroup or a MOMS Club event, the moms were always willing to lend out a baby wipe or a snack if you didn’t bring enough or even to watch your child for a minute while you went to the restroom.

It was a village of moms and I had finally found them. When I had first joined the MOMS Club my son was a small baby who could not yet sit up by himself. Most of the time, I held him at the events. Now, he’s all toddler, running all around parks and other mom’s houses while I chase after him.

I’m not sure where I would be as a SAHM without MOMS Club. It has brought so many positive additions to my motherhood journey by giving me and my son friendships and something to do during the day. The club allows us both to get out of the house and socialize with our friends while enjoying kid-friendly activities and some mom-centered ones too such as book club.

I often attend a storytime at the library and a music class with my son weekly, but I prefer to attend MOMS club events because I’ll always know a familiar face and it just feels like home. Other types of MOMS club events we attend are playgroups, monthly meetings, park days, field trips, socials, lunches, community service projects, holiday parties and more.

I love the fact that I can bring my son to all of the daytime events, and we also have a mom’s night out (MNO) event each month. At MNO, I can leave him at home with my husband and enjoy some kid-free adult conversation. There are leadership opportunities through the club and we also have a yearly event the whole family can attend.

We have a Facebook group for our MOMS Club, and often a mom will post something like, “We’re going to the park this afternoon if anyone wants to join.” I have always felt welcome at any MOMS club event I’ve been to and I’ve never regretted attending one. (Even if my son was getting into everything he shouldn’t and I had to spend the whole event chasing after him!)

MOMS Club is a support system for SAHMs and it has helped me tremendously. I’m so thankful I joined this amazing group of moms. It truly has been a lifesaver for me.

MOMS Club is an international nonprofit organization providing daytime support for at-home mothers. For more information, or to find a MOMS club near you, visit https://momsclub.org/.

Milestone Memories

March 4, 2020 / azlotnik / Leave a comment

Before my son was born, I bought him a baby book. I didn’t think much of it other than I liked it because it was Woodland themed like his nursery. I knew that my mom had baby books for my brother and me, and I liked the idea of keeping track of my baby’s milestones. It is something I can look back on for years to come and even he will read it one day.

The baby book I bought for my son.

While my son was in the NICU, I started filling out the pages. Everything from my baby shower, news from the day he was born, all about his family and his first days. The book even had a page to record memories of a ceremony, such as his bris.

Every month my husband and I would sit down and fill out the page of what baby could do, what baby likes, etc. Well some months, we had to do two pages at a time because we had waited too long. It got to be somewhat of a chore to record the page each month, especially because it was always the same questions. A lot of times nothing had changed in a certain area and I’d just write, “Same as last month.”

A sample of one of the memory book pages.

Also, his monthly pictures got to be a chore as well. From picking out the outfit to the stress of trying to take the perfect picture, but I’m glad I have them. I took them on the exact monthly birthday each time. When he got older, a new challenge arose of trying to get him to sit still for a photo. Now, I’m lucky if the picture isn’t blurry because my son never stops moving and is always on the go.

After each doctor’s appointment, I would record his weight, his height, and his immunizations in his baby book. There is also a page to record his teeth coming in and pages with various other milestones. The book goes up to age five, with the focus on the baby’s first year. I like the idea of recording memories of my child because we so easily forget the little things. There are plenty of spaces to add photos to the baby book and I was very diligent on putting photos in for his first seven months. After that, life got busy and I stopping getting photos printed and adding them to his baby book. I’ll have to update the book with recent photos soon.

Somewhere along the way, after my son was born I wanted to his record milestones as they happened. When he was about five months old, I began to record them in my Passion Planner. There is a space called “good things that happened” in each weekly spread. I shifted the focus of that from myself to my son. It was a good way to remember things to record in the baby book and to have another record of it. Later on, I started recording them on a list app on my phone and then would transfer the milestone later to my planner and then to the baby book. It can seem like an inefficient system, but it worked for me in my daily life. If I thought of something, I could just type it on my phone instead of finding the planner or the baby book. I used to delete the list on my phone once I recorded it elsewhere, but now I like to keep an ongoing list because it tells you the exact day I recorded it. That’s how I know my son started walking on September 25, 2019! I record the simplest things to the biggest, such as when he found his feet to new words he learned. Some of his achievements that I recorded are not what you would call a traditional milestone, but it is something I want to remember. My son was born premature, so he hit his milestones a little later than most children, but every child is different and does things at different times.

Having lists in different places can be confusing. Because I want to have everything in one place, I decided to make a list of each month and each year and everything he did that month that I felt the need to record. I started this list using all three sources, and so far have only recorded the month of January 2019. But, I’ll finish it eventually and one day I will be so glad I did. Probably when he gets curious about the baby book or when he has children someday and wants to know what he did and when to compare.

When I have another child one day, I probably won’t be this disciplined with keeping track of milestones. With the challenges of taking care of two children, I probably will barely use the next child’s baby book. That is how it turned out for my mom. She spent so much time making my brother’s baby book, cutting out shapes out of wrapping paper and gluing them in because stickers and scrapbooking weren’t as common. Now there are so many memory-making options out there and even online photo books and digital scrapbooking.

When it got time for my baby book, my mom filled out the beginning but didn’t finish it. I don’t blame her; she was keeping up with two children. There is a list in the back of the baby book of my milestones that were never transferred. My mom kept my baby bracelet from the hospital and my first lock of hair. I’m so glad the memories are recorded and that’s probably where I got the idea to keep up with my son’s baby book. I have always loved scrapbooking and plan to make a scrapbook of my son one day. I do the traditional scrapbooking with paper and stickers. I’m still working on scrapbooking my honeymoon from six years ago, but you know I’ve made some progress.

I hope one day, my son and even my grandchildren will appreciate the effort I took to preserve these milestone memories. Are you recording memories of your children? It’s never too late to start!

A page from my son’s baby book.

You Might be a Mom If…

June 27, 2019 / azlotnik / Leave a comment

I got the idea for this blog post while rushing to get ready during my son’s morning nap. After all, you never know how long a child will nap for. I started thinking about how I’ve changed as a mom and things I do now that I never did prior to having my son. Some of these things are funny, some are serious, but I came up with this list in hopes that other moms could relate to it. And, also for a good laugh! Some of these facts relate to all moms, just stay-at-home-moms, all parents, moms with young babies and some maybe just to me. Here it goes…

You might be a mom if….

You’re a pro at doing things one-handed because you’re carrying a baby in the other.
You make up songs about your baby, mundane tasks, really anything at all because your baby loves it when you sing.
You go to the store with no makeup and unwashed hair, and you’re OK with that.
You need a support group of other moms going through the same thing as you.
You race to get everything done during your child’s nap
You think you can’t possibly have any more baby gear or toys and then you buy the next thing your child “needs.”
You always have spit up or baby food on your clothes, and you stopped caring about it.
You are always doing laundry. Always!
There are usually always dirty dishes by your sink.
You try many different brands of diapers and wipes, and you will find the ones that you like the best.
You didn’t know you could love this way.
You can’t wait for them to reach the next milestone (rolling over, crawling, walking, etc.) and then when they do you are like oh great! Now you have to chase after them!
Your schedule revolves around your child’s naps.
You would rather hang out with other moms versus friends without children, because they know what you are going through.
You have your good days and bad, but even the bad days still manage to have good aspects of them.
You never knew how much you needed your friends until now. Sadly, some of those friendships will fall apart post-kids.
You can’t wait to leave your house, whether it is to go to the grocery store, the park or somewhere that’s actually exciting.
You worry about money more than pre-kids and, if you do splurge, it’s usually on something for your children.
You know all the story times within a 20-minute radius, the best parks in the area and all the fun things to do with your child that is age-appropriate.
You are in at least five Moms groups on social media. In fact, your social media is mostly about parenthood these days.
You rarely get a night away, but if you do get a sitter, you are going to enjoy every minute of it (while spending a good chunk of your time talking about your children).
You know all the kid consignment stores in the area, the best seasonal consignment sales and all the stores with the best deals for baby and kids’ clothes, toys and gear.
Your house will never be clean. There will be toys and baby gear everywhere.
You never thought you could have so many conversations about baby poop.
You will find the best way to get rid of diaper rash that works for your child.
Your body will probably never be the same, but that’s OK. You made a human!
Vacations and weekends are not really breaks or time to get away anymore, but you still can’t wait for them to get here!
You get asked rude questions on your parenting judgment pretty often.
You’ll learn not to care if you get a bodily fluid on you. Little boys sure like to pee on you!
Your pregnancy brain turns into mom brain.
You figure out what works for your child, then something changes and you have to start all over again.
You cry over the littlest things. And sometimes the big things. Like on your child’s first birthday, because your little baby isn’t a baby anymore.
Your kid does something weird and you think, “I hope that doesn’t stick!”
You sometimes wish that your newborn baby didn’t fall asleep on you. And, when they get older you wish they would still fall asleep on you because you realized that you took those sweet baby cuddles for granted. (Cherish them now because they will go away. Babies don’t keep.)
You wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world. It may be hard, but it is sure worth it!