We all remember them. Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. It’s that time when a 12 or 13-year-old Jewish boy or girl is called to the torah to lead the service and is seen as an adult in the eyes of their congregation. Well, you’ll remember if you’re Jewish or had any Jewish friends growing up. When the Bar/Bat Mitzvah leads the service, they are invited to read out of the torah and say the prayer for before and after reading the holy book. That is called an Aliyah and since the teenager is old enough to read he/she is now seen as an adult in the eyes of the Jewish community. Of course, they are still young and legally not an adult, but they are seen as men and women now by their temple congregation.

I myself had a Bat Mitzvah when I was 12 (almost 13) and it was a fun, stressful, and rewarding day. I think that having my Bat Mitzvah really set a change in me for the better. It made me reflect on how I treated those I love and was really a wake up call and made me a better person. Because we all know that 13-year-old girls can be brats (and that’s a nice way of putting it!)

When you study for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah it takes years to prepare. All of Hebrew school is preparing you for this one day. The endless learning of all the prayers until you know them by heart, the studying of your torah portion that takes months, practicing, writing a speech to be read to your friends and family and the congregation, etc. I remember staying up until 2 am the night before the big day still going over my torah portion. I could not have reached that day without the help of my rabbi, the cantor, and all my Hebrew school teachers, my parents and my family and friends.

Speaking of friends, when you have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah you attend yours of course, but also everyone else in your class, your Jewish friends at school and your cousins, neighbors, etc. I would have to guess that I attended several dozen Bar Mitzvahs in my lifetime so far, but it could be more. First, was my brother’s when I was 10. All my family came in town and it was really nice visiting with them. My paternal grandfather was able to attend that occasion before he passed away. I think back then I was a little bit taller than my brother! (But he grew and I stayed the same height and still am very short).

Then, I attended my friends’ Bar and Bat Mitzvahs who were a bit older than me. Next it was my Hebrew School friends and classmates at school. After that I became friends with someone who was a grade younger than me and she introduced me to her friends who were younger than me as well and I went to all their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. I was a freshman in high school then (I was young for my grade) and was still going to the services/parties. I also attended all my cousins Bar Mitzvahs (all 5 of them) which were all out of town. I actually just came back from the very youngest cousin’s Bar Mitzvah recently which was in San Francisco, California. That was my husband’s first Bar Mitzvah (he’s not Jewish) and for me, I have lost track of how many I have been to. But it’s a pretty high number.

There are many components of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. There’s the service and then of course the big party afterwards!

Service: It’s held on a Saturday morning, since Friday at sundown to Saturday evening is our Sabbath. Very few people attend the Saturday service unless they are invited to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, but it’s usually a full crowd. Some temples are so large that the teenager has to share their service with another kid in their Hebrew school class. My brother didn’t have to but I had to share my service. They take turns doing certain prayers and basically break up the service so both kids have a chance to read from the torah and involve their families in the aspects of the service (opening the arc, holding the torah, etc.). The Bar/Bat Mitzvah boy/girl also leads a prayer in the Friday night service before their special day.

Some Bar/Bat Mitzvahs have a lot of events, just like the one I most recently attended, especially for out of town family members. There’s dinner Friday night, the Friday night service, the Service in the morning (of course you have to arrive early for family pictures), the luncheon after the service at the temple, the Saturday night party and then a farewell Sunday brunch. That’s a lot of events for one weekend!

Party: It can sometime be the equivalent of a small wedding. There are many elements that comprise a Bar/Bat Mitzvah party, such as: the theme, DJ, decorations (balloons), ballroom, party favors, buffet and/or seated dinner, dancing, games for the kids, etc. Sometimes it can be just a kid’s party. I’ve been to some at Dave and Busters where the kids play and the adults’ party in the ballroom.

The candle lighting is a ceremony in which family member, friends, and loved ones are called up to the dance floor to light a candle signifying that that person is important to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.  There usually is a poem read and one or more people come up from their tables to light a candle while a song that is catered to that person plays. There are usually thirteen candles, one for each year of the Bat/Bat Mitzvah’s life. Sometimes a group of people will come up and they all light the candle together.

I remember the first time I ever danced with a boy was at a Bar Mitzvah. I remember that it took us a minute to figure out the correct placement of our arms, haha! Now, as an adult attending a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, I can take full advantage of the open bar.

Gifts: One of the perks of having a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is that you get a LOT of gifts! The boys will get more money and gift certificates than the girls since many people give girls jewelry and other type of gifts. I think I received frames, jewelry and music boxes and even a leather purse from Italy. I was lucky to receive quite a large amount of money as well. I saved most of it and spent a small portion of it. I bought clothes and a boom box with my Bat Mitzvah money, back when those were very popular! (circa 1998). The money that I saved went towards my first car I bought when I was 16. It certainly is a great way to save for the future, especially if you receive savings bonds. It is a Jewish custom to give a monetary gift in denominations of 18. Eighteen symbolizes the Jewish letter “Chai” which means life in Hebrew. So, it is not uncommon to give a gift of $18, $36, $54, $118, etc. when giving to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah child or even for a Jewish wedding.

When I look back on my Bat Mitzvah and all the other ones I attended, I will always have great memories of those times. What fun we had! My husband and I hope that one day our children will have Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. The rabbi that married us was actually the one who Bat Mitzvah’d me. There’s so much to look forward to in the years to come!