This is the year I turn 40. EEK! I’ll be over the hill. My birthday is not until September, but I already feel it coming because my husband and some friends have turned 40 or will soon. I am not looking forward to turning 40–it seems so old–four decades of life. I am sure once it gets closer to my birthday, I will be looking forward to it, but it seems like something I don’t want to celebrate right now. 

I’m thankful for my life and my family. They are what keeps me going. I am fortunate to have such great people and caring friends in my corner. Life, however, does not come without struggles. These past few years have been tough for me, health-wise. As I shared in a previous post, my mental health has been challenging for me. I live life day by day. There are ups and downs, but I’m grateful to have a happy life. I can’t be happy all the time, of course, but there are more good days than bad.

I’ve been told that when you hit 40, your body starts “falling apart.” Many people experience health problems, aches, and pains not present in their 20s and early 30s. I know for me, I’ve struggled with pain for the last ten years. Sometimes it feels like my body is failing me. But I think about how it could be much worse and I’m not in terrible, excruciating pain all the time. I recently saw a meme about how when you get older and something hurts, that’s how it is now- forever. It was a joke, but it’s partially true. 

I am a mom to a great kid! He is so sweet, smart, and caring. My friendly, talkative, energetic little boy. (Who at 6.5 is not so little anymore…) I quit my job after my son was born to be a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t plan on it, but I am glad I spent so much time with my little one. Now that he’s in elementary school, I am at a crossroads. What do I do with my time to myself? What do I do that excites me, fulfills me, and gives me more purpose to pursue my dreams? See my related post, “The Kids Are in School, Now What?” I want a job, but I like my freedom and the time to get things done. I have always wished to have not just a job but a respected career. I’ve never been in a high-level position before. I thought that by 40, I would be in a different place in my career and have it all figured out. One day I’ll get there.

If I get a job, I still want to pick my son up from the bus and take him to activities, play with him, and help him with his homework after school. A part-time job would be ideal.  Honestly, I’m a little scared to put myself back out there. I haven’t worked in 6 years. Would employers consider me because of the large gap? What kinds of jobs am I qualified for? I have a degree in Communication, but it seems that in every job posting, I’m overqualified or don’t have enough experience. What do I want to do with the rest of my life? What do I want to be when I “grow up”? More like growing old… Time will tell. Whatever happens, it is meant to be. 

Forty years of life experience. Forty is not considered as old now as it used to be. I’m happy I’m here and that I have a blessed life. Five years from now I wonder what life will look like for me.

Happy 40th Birthday to my fellow 1985 babies! And here’s to the next 40 and beyond!